Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
