May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
