she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
