Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
