do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
