is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They took my balls.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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