My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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