Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
