worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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