And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
