god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
