you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
