I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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