I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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