He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
