He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
