just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
