I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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