90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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