why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
