So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
