He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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