Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just want nice things and good sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
