I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
