Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
