I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
