there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
