Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize