The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I could make wine with my vomit
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
