You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize