so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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