The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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