Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
