I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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