Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
