Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
