I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
