someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
