i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
