i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
