she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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