Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
