Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize