She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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