My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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