Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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