can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
