Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
