Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
