That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
