I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
