There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
