I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
