everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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