Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the liver wants what the liver wants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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