Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
