Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
