Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hippo gnu deer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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