i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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