I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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