I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
