Duck Duck Cougar?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
