I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
