so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
