I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize