So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
