Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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