I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
