i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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