before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize