This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
