You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
