I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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