just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
