O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
