reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
