You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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