I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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